Do
- Take into consideration how you feel around that person. Are you happy, energized, anxious, or sad? Over time I’ve become really in tune with identifying what emotions I’m feeling in a moment. It’s been really helpful (not just for breakups) but I’ve found once I identify how I’m feeling it doesn’t take long to understand why I feel that way.
- Do it in person. I think this is the best way to do things. If I spend time with someone I feel like the least I can do is give them a face-to-face break up but I know that’s not the popular opinion. It’s definitely not the easy or comfortable way o use your own judgment on what works best for you.
- Use “I feel” statements. I feel a little corny doing this but it’s a good way to keep blame out of it. I hate going through a lengthy explanation that turns into an argument. Saying “I feel” keeps the power in my court because the other person can’t argue with how I’m feeling. If they try to, that’s even more reason to run lol!
- Do hold your head high. It’s easy for me to feel down after a break up as does anyone, I imagine. I tell myself I’m a hot commodity! Things didn’t work out with this person but now I’m one step closer to finding a better one.
- Do give them back (or throw out) all of their stuff right away. If you have been with the person a long time, cleanse your room, apartment, house of all that reminds you of them. Clean breaks after the best ones.
- Invest in yourself. Take the time you had been investing in your (now) ex-partner and take a dance class, go for a walk, cook your favorite meal, do what makes you the happiest because the relationship you build with yourself is the only one that is guaranteed to last forever.
Don’t
- Drag it out. I am so guilty of this one! Breakups are like a band aid, the longer they take to come off the more painful it is. So no “let’s go on a break”. No “I’ll wait and see if anything changes. In my experience, if I’m thinking about breaking up with someone they aren’t my person and the quicker the break up the better.
- Don’t get stuck in limbo. If I break up with someone I like a clean break. I always feel odd at first because it’s weird going from talking to someone everyday to not talking to them at all but it’s definitely worth it. Continuing to talk to someone or even worse see them just gets confusing and messy. If there is one of these pieces of advice I feel most strongly about it’s this: limbo drags out the inevitable and always leaves me feeling worse off. My advice, if I feel tempted to reach out to the recent ex, is to call on a friend instead.
- Don’t use a cliché excuse, like it’s not you, it’s me. This goes with any other excuse that isn’t the real reason behind the breakup. I used to just take all the blame so it would be an “easier” break but it’s really not helpful. The other person has no idea what actually happened and I end up feeling crappy. The truth is the best way to go about it.
- Don’t blame the other person. It’s definitely tempting to go this route especially when emotions are high but the “I’m breaking up with you because you did x” conversation never goes well.
Leave me a comment if you’ve been through a breakup recently, relate to any of these tips or have any other breakup suggestions.
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